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Being a convenient friend is self serving, so learn how you can be better.

Best friends are forever…or only when you have time?

A recent shower thought I had begged the question – how solid are the people that you surround yourself with? When the world went into lockdown in 2020 with bars, restaurants, offices and destinations offline, it was for some an alarming glimpse to see which of “your people” are actually there for you. But just know, friendship is a two-way street and maybe you’re content being a level above acquaintances and nothing more, where your BFF goals revolve around Instagram likes and shallow comments with three fire emojis…

Defining convenient friends.

Convenient friends are people that show up for you when it’s favorable to them.

Coworkers are a great example. Many of my good friends today are ex colleagues so this isn’t a blanket statement, but when you’re in an office all day with the same people day in, day out, you get to know someone if you want to or not. It’s easy and you’re not going out of your way or on your own time.

Many deskmates lose touch when one moves on from the company because unless there was a genuine connection, the relationship instantly requires a lot more work for both parties to see each other. Or…maybe they were just being fake and didn’t like you at all! I joke, I kid.

To be more than a convenient friend you have to inconvenience yourself sometimes.

How do you know if you have them?

Maybe you’re surrounded by convenient friends and you don’t even know it. Some questions to ask yourself:

Are most of your interactions on social media?

Are your conversations mostly on surface level topics?

Do they go out of their way to accommodate you and vice versa?

Will they be there for you?

When you’re in a rut, no, they probably won’t be there to lend a helping hand. I’m not shading anyone, just speaking generally. I’m not Taylor Swift over here.

Is that a bad thing?

It depends. I’d like to hope that all of my friendships are truly genuine in some capacity, but if they aren’t I hope that I’m aware of it. Sometimes it might be okay to have friends that you only go out with or other social events on the calendar, but just know what you’re getting into and think about who you want to be spending your time with.

Can they become genuine friends?

They can 100% become actual friends. Throughout the pandemic, I’ve grown apart from close friends and made new ones. There isn’t a blueprint to navigate here, but experiences and making memories bond people. Maybe suggest doing something that doesn’t involve going out and getting drunk on a weekend to spend more time together, building deeper connections.

A convenient friend is there to dance with you, where a true friend is there cry with you too.

Are you a convenient friend?

Maybe it’s you and you don’t even know it. Is that a bad thing? You would know better than me. I’m gonna be corny for a second and tell you to just be yourself and then you don’t have to worry about how genuine you’re coming off.

Something I always look for in my friends and myself is how often the question is flipped back to you. Are they always talking about themselves or do they take the time to listen? Are you listening too?

Be good, JB

PS. Sign up for the best newsletter for weekly shower thoughts and forward it to a friend. Perhaps a bestie, a fake friend or even a frenemy :)


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